so like always I've been thinking.
i believe that my mind is not like others. It seeks idiotic and moronic answers.
Both of which resulted to more hours of deep thinking.
I've been thinking too much about myself and the things that was likely to happen
( most of which i think about how I want to spent my life)
-this is a problem.. It is unhealthy..- many sleepless nights, unbearable headache, wasted time..
It's been long since I have a nice stress free sleep..
talking about thinking, which is also related to dreaming, day-dreaming or in my words- hoping for something that is for sure never to happen.
so life suck, it didn't turn out to be quite what you expected, but hey that
is what my 2009 is about..-going with the flow.
Never reject or go against what Allah planned for you.
like so, it applies for me too.
So if Nursing is where Allah want me to be in then Nursing at Ngee Ann Poly it is..
I wouldn't want to upset Allah, by not accepting my fate,
Even so I am not going to sit back relax and wait for God's next plan..
I'm gonna word hard to see where God wants me to be next.
(suhaila, berbual mcm paham)
Now back to what I really want to say.
I was reading
Sofie's blog..She asked me, what is my dream..
Why does everyone asking that question recently? Suhaila, you moron la..
Well, I have many dreams, fie.
I have personal dreams, social dreams, even political dreams.
Well firstly I want to make my mother proud by becoming a
Cardiologist.
She actually wants me to be a doctor, so I say yeah, that would be kind of cool.
Then, I started having a
strange passion inside me, pushing me to become a
Cardiologist. Cool, right. I say to myself that it would be cool if i actually get to hold
a real human heart. Then I went on saying that i loved the idea of giving someone life,
because without it- ( you are allowed to imagine it the way you want it)
From there, if i actually become one, I would travel to other countries to give free surgeries
to those who desperately need it but are unable to bear the cost. I want to step in and just take
that weight away. As if life isn't that difficult enough to take it day after day. I would like to bond
with my heart patients, see life through their eyes. Help easy their pain away.
Once, I dreamt about bonding with a patient who is just 10 years of age. He who spent most of his childhood days on his hospital bed with tubes that help him breathe..I have no idea if a patient with a heart condition have tubes in and out of his body, or not, but my guess is yes.This kid was sweet and helpless.
Yup, that is the kind of pain that I would be happy to take away, - by being their doctor and friend.
I'll make it anyone. I believe that everyone should have anyone by their side to make their tomorrow worth looking forward to. And too, everyone should have a Savior.
Cause this life ain't easy to get by..I want to be that savior to souls that faces heart condition.
I do have a sequel to that dream. I dreamt that when my children gets older, so old that they barely visits anymore, I'll become a socialite. I would like to extend my hand to those
Aidschildren and adults in Africa. I'm not sure if by that time, the victims of the awful disease is controlled, long before I get a chance to lend a hand. Good for them.
But if not, I would definitely spend my time in helping whatever I can for these people.
And if I ever set up an
organization to help raise funds for them, James will be the first one the
donate and do whatever he can, as he had promised..
I might even try being an
Activist against
child exploitation, child abuse, starvation, child trafficking and other means. Many are snatching a child's dream by allowing such horrible thing happen to them.
Of course, for every social and far less personal dreams, I dreamt.
A dream of
marrrying a charming prince that swept me off my feet with his- everything good.
I don't wish for an extravagant home, a luxurious bed with satin covers, a truck load of house keepers or a no limit credit card. Well maybe a
no limit cerdit card will do well in my adult life.
(meaning that he must be financially stable)
Wouldn't it be cool if I really marry a Prince. Ya right, Prince of -dot dot dot-, got la.
I'm not too keen on blogging about this dream, as it might be too over rated, too bold.
A future family. I want as many kids as I could possibly handle with all of me. As many of you may know, that I don't really like kids- as i believed that all may grow up and become a monster.
Well my kids are different. They're mine. Not that I don't like other's children its that there are no reason for us to click. Unless they are somesort related to me.
I know, you must be asking, how am I going to help those toddlers who needs my help and attention? Well, different situation calls for different treatment. But still my intention towards helping others are sincere. I would definitely be protective of my children but still, a mom got to da what all moms should do.. I got tot let them go. I definitely let them spread their wings and fly by themselves. I want to advise but not over-advise. I want to warn but noe over-warn. I want to be protective but still not be over-protective.
Trust them, congratulate them at what ever and encourage them to do even better,
guide them but not follow them. Let them free, but still have some boundaries..
"Well I like to picture it this way. You are the mother Dove, and you have eggs you laid and it hatched. Then they grew bigger and eventually they have to fly. You taught them the basicof flying and surving the wind and the wild. You the mother Dove never want to let your babies out of your sight when she was letting them go. Being a mother Dove you would still want to know your baby Doves' whereabouts. So what's next. You set boundary. You tell your baby doves not to fly or wander off anywhere further tha a 5 mile radius. That way, you are letting them fly but still do it within your reach. As they grow, the boundary of flying grows to within 10 mile radius. That way You as the mother Dove feel more secure that your baby doves are still there."A parent can never lose their child. They can never stop worrying about their child.
I dreamt to let my children fly but still have boundaries.
I hope my child won't grow up to be the worst monster ever born..
so Sof what is your dream.. I hope this part of my dream comes true.
"it doesnt matter that i dont have any talents .. that i cant design anything, or create an awesome album, or right a fantastic book or whatever .. a nice, loving family would be a nice start . then maybe a big, homey house . then a career .. but definitely a family first ." Sofia Ferosya SLabels: adulthood, dreams, future, life, socialite
